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We've been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared then, because they seemed only interested in him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several close to her have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both retired leading to more each other more, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. I try to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to offer insights, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her plans. I have ended 30 days there she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for a solution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step is to question how the two of you going to change the interaction of your friendship."

Remember that she also has her own side, so you need to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be effective in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present like this and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.